My cofounder is leaving our startup. Can we still be friends?

Yes, yes you can. Here I am, years later, still friends with my ex-cofounder. Here are some things to keep in mind.

The circumstances do matter

Some circumstances mean you should steer clear of remaining friends, including any kind of criminal conduct, lying, treating you or others abusively, etc.

That's not how most cofounder CEOs end up exiting their business, though. The scenarios I've seen more often are:

• They're toast. Just exhausted and burned out
• Your newest investor has a pet CEO they want in place
• They aren't scaling fast enough and either they see it or the investors call it
• Personality conflict with one of your more powerful investors/board members
• They've got a new opportunity that gives them an escape
• They don't believe in the business
• They have a health emergency, or someone close to them does.
• They're experiencing a major life change - birth of a child, divorce, disability of their partner, etc.

It doesn't really matter which of these reasons apply. People leave, people get fired, people negotiated a way out. It's just part of the dynamism of the startup space, not a character stain.

Your relationship with your cofounder will shift

I'm assuming you're staying at your startup (like I did). Your relationship will likely go through a couple of distinct phases:

1. Everything gets awkward. Your cofounder has announced that they are leaving, and your investors are trying to get their equity back. You're caught in the crosshairs. My advice is to just lay low, stay calm, be thoughtful. It'll be over soon enough.
2. Your cofounder has just left. They may be around a bit as a consultant, but they're not there every day. It's a little lonely for you, but maybe also a relief if there's been conflict. If you're talking to your cofounder somewhat regularly, you will probably struggle with how much to tell your cofounder. You really kinda want to share the gossip and the little wins and losses. That also feels a bit disloyal to your startup. And your cofounder may be a little too interested or uninterested, and their interest may vary.
3. Your cofounder moves on to their next thing. Could be a job or their next startup, could just be mentally moving on. At this point, you may feel something like culture shock. There's a wall, built by your cofounder that wasn't there before. You'll get the distinct feeling that you are burdening them if you share day-to-day minutia, though they'll probably be happy to hear the big stuff. This is a turning point for your relationship, where you need to go from cofounder to ex-cofounders mentally. You'll need to figure out anew what topic brought you together in the first place that weren't just your startup.
4. The new normal. Assuming you stay in regular though perhaps infrequent touch, you fall into a stable relationship pattern. Maybe you swap industry insights, intros, and gossip. Maybe your run into each other at conferences and it's a warm conversation. It's all good.

Taking care of yourself when your cofounder leaves

This is a tough, uncertain time for you as the non CEO cofounder as well. Relationships will shift around you with the board and investors, your employees, and with a new CEO if that's not you. Here's my advice:

• Don't pour your emotions into the container of your startup. Listening to your investors and advisors and hearing them out is important, but they're probably not the right people to vent to. You don't know how the dust will settle, and you may not want the rawness of your feelings out there, especially with people who have power over you.
• Similarly, use caution and more discretion than you think you need in talking to employees, business partners etc. Keep it positive and focused on where the business is going. Don't give them any information they don't need. They're not entitled to gossip about your cofounder and it doesn't reflect well on you.
• Consider working with a coach to get you through the transition. Lots of power dynamics (and roles and responsibilities) will shift over the coming months, and it's good to have a time and place to work through those.
• Exercise, eat well, sleep well. All the things you already know to keep you healthy.
• Of course therapy if you're so inclined. I'm not qualified to assess anyone's mental health, but please do take care of yours.

It'll be ok. If you and your cofounder are both good people, your friendship can absolutely survive them exiting your startup. Hang in there.

I'm not your lawyer, your therapist, your advisor, or your accountant. We're just internet friends, and these are just my experiences and personal opinions. Consult professionals for advice before you make any sudden moves in your startup.

You will see the occasional affiliate link. I do earn a commission if you buy the products I recommend. I appreciate you buying through the links if you're going to buy. This is a labor of love for my fellow cofounders, and I do love receiving a few coins to pay hosting costs if you like my work.