I'm jealous of my cofounder CEO

As the other cofounder, if you didn't get occasional stabs of jealousy, you wouldn't be human. Here's what jealousy might be telling you and a few things to think about.

The surface area of jealousy

As you move from two people and two laptops to a company with investors, employees, and partners, the role of the CEO becomes a lot more external. They're out there talking to investors and the press. They get invited to cool dinners and to Tahoe for the weekend. When the two of you meet people for the first time, some of those people will pointedly ignore you to talk to your CEO cofounder. You'll get left off email distribution lists and group chats.

It is completely and totally normal for all of this to sting. After all, you're working just as hard, coding or selling or designing. Or maybe all of those things. And you're often doing it for less ownership and less control. It's galling when you think about it, especially at 11pm when you're still trying to ship today.

And it's also not the your cofounder CEO shouldn't be doing what they are doing. Maybe, though, they aren't being quite as thoughtful about you and your cofounder relationship as they should be.

The startup ecosystem's take on jealousy

Most of the VC advice on this is that same as it always is: buckle down! Put your ego aside! Do what's best for the company! Would you rather have a smaller piece of an absolute rocket ship or talk to the press? (As though that's an actual tradeoff...)

This is...drivel. Most startups will fail. Almost everyone misses the rocket ship, including most VCs. And they have a portfolio of chances. You have one at a time.

Most people are happiest when they are working on things that are just this side of too hard. We grow in mastery and we're happy. The challenge of being the other cofounder is whether aiming for mastery as an individual is in conflict with or in service of doing what is best for our startup.

From what I've seen (and felt) jealousy often stems from a lack of growth and growth opportunities for the other cofounder. And that's a dangerous situation for you - that's where "the cofounder who doesn't scale" comes from.

Some possible fixes

Make a list of the situations that make you feel most jealous. What's the unifying theme? How can you reframe them to work for you? You're aiming for growth without undermining your cofounder CEO.

• Public speaking ➡ Speak in areas of your technical expertise
• Content production ➡ Write or Youtube or TikTok on your technical topic (i.e. startup marketing, startup product development, whatever)
• Investors ➡ Ask if there are occasions when you can come along. Ask for more time debriefing with the CEO so you can understand the dynamics better. If you are working with larger VCs, see if their platform people have a networking group for your job across their portfolio companies. Or suggest it.
• Business-social events ➡ Network in with other cofounders more, attend conferences, create content. You'll start to get invited to some interesting things. Ask your cofounder CEO to suggest you to the hosts when they're unable to attend.
• Calls for advice ➡ Same as above, network yourself in. Volunteer as a mentor with an accelerator you've been through. Step up and help another founder and word will spread.
• Closing partnerships ➡ Can you participate? Try your hand at a specific vertical or segment?

There's so much work at a startup - there's usually a way to carve off some if you're interested. And you need to focus on your own growth both with your startup and within your career. Do not sacrifice personal growth for your startup. It's a Faustian bargain.

What if I'm still jealous?

A little twinge of jealousy from time to time, okay. More than that though really isn't much of a way to live. There's a ton of advice about mastering yourself, meditating, microdosing, whatever. But your feelings are sources of information, not something to be mastered. Continual jealousy is telling you there's something wrong with your situation.

What might you need to consider:

• CEO job performance - Jealousy and resentment build fast when they're jetsetting and also not performing. The solutions here range from conversations with them, to finding a coach, to attempting to oust them, to leaving.
• Poor job fit - Maybe this is your clue that it's time to set off on your own startup journey as the CEO. Or to go back to coporate, or freelancing, or whatever you were doing before. It's not a sign of weakness to make a better choice for yourself.
• Menat to be a solo founder - Go Google some of the research. While many of the accelerators and VCs strongly recommend a cofounder, the research doesn't strongly support the idea that having a cofounder increases the odds of success. This again may mean it's time to leave.

You only get one life - go live it fully.

I'm not your lawyer, your therapist, your advisor, or your accountant. We're just internet friends, and these are just my experiences and personal opinions. Consult professionals for advice before you make any sudden moves in your startup.

You will see the occasional affiliate link. I do earn a commission if you buy the products I recommend. I appreciate you buying through the links if you're going to buy. This is a labor of love for my fellow cofounders, and I do love receiving a few coins to pay hosting costs if you like my work.